I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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