This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
