We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
