WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
