i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize