I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
