I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
