____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
