She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize