Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
