She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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