Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
