grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
