Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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