She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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