CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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