I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
