brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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