dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
