i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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