After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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