so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
