people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
