I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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