wanna go halves on a baby?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
