I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
