She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
