Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
