By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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