I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
