were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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