I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
