You really coming over, don't trick.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
