you traded sex for a burrito?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
