Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
