My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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