I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize