His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
