I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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