Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
