Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
