the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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