R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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