im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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