The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
