This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
