can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
