my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
