Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
