I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So vagazzling was a success
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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