Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
