Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
