i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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