Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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