Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
