is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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