she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
