my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
