I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
