He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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