can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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