We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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