A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
