Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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