She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im six kinds of drunk right now
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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