Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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