That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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