Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
