I accidentally burped into my bong.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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