Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
