I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
